The Maid and the Parking Valet

We stayed four nights in an expensive hotel on the beach in Central California.  Every night, I slept fitfully in a luxurious bed with the ocean waves rolling right outside our sliding glass door.  It was heaven near the sea.

As we left our room each day, we said “Good Morning” to Lili, our maid, who cleaned all the rooms on our floor.  She spent about 45 minutes to an hour in each guest room—picking up the wet towels, wiping down the shower doors, polishing the faucets, making up the king-size beds, vacuuming, cleaning the coffee pot, arranging soaps and shampoos near the tub and at the sink, and moving the patio furniture back into place. 

I had read Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) Getting By in America by Barbara Ehrenreich so I knew that hotel maids earned minimum wages or not much higher.   When I saw Lili’s envelope on the dresser after her first cleaning, I thought about the book and made a note to leave a tip at the end of our stay. Meanwhile, we wished Lili a good morning each day before she came in to clean our room.  When we came back each afternoon before dinner, our room was immaculate and inviting—an oasis by the sea, the waves making music just outside.

On the morning we were packing up to leave, I saw her tip envelope again.  “Let’s leave a tip for the maid,” I said to my husband, a retired, successful man.

“I don’t usually tip the maid,” he quipped.

“We should,” I said.  I went to my wallet and found a twenty-dollar bill.  While I was slipping it into the envelope, my husband handed me a ten-dollar bill.  “No, I’ve got it,” I said.

I tucked the envelope’s flap inside and carried it with my luggage down the hall until I found Lili’s cleaning cart outside of another room.

“Lili, I have a tip for you,” I stated across the open room where she was arranging the curtains.

Lili’s face registered total surprise.  She walked up to me and took the envelope with two hands.  “Thank you so much.”  She didn’t seem to get too many tips.  I wanted to watch her open the envelope to see her reaction, but I thanked her again for her wonderful work and continued down the hall with my husband. 

As we were walking out to the front entrance, we decided that I would go get the car that was parked in the lot up the hill and drive it to the front where my husband would wait with the luggage.

When we got to the open door, the parking valet wished us a good morning.  “You were here four months ago, weren’t you?” I asked.

“Yes.  I’m Sean.  I thought I recognized you.”

My husband proceeded to chitchat with Sean while I got the car.  By the time I came back with the car, he had found out that Sean had two sons and Sean coached both of them in soccer.  Since my husband had been an athlete and a coach for our sons, he enjoyed this conversation quite a bit. 

Sean put our two suitcases and two other bags into the trunk for us.  He also got us a bottle of cold water to take on our drive home.  My husband tipped him outside while I waited in the driver’s seat.

When he got in the passenger seat, I asked my husband how much he tipped Sean. 

“Six dollars.”

“What?  For only a little conversation and lifting four items?  At the most, he was with you for ten minutes.”

“He was a good guy,” my spouse said.

I’m sure he is a great guy, but I’m curious as to why Lili didn’t get the same equal treatment.  The inequality built into the exclusive hotel system left a cruel impression. 

Broken Bloom

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Every baby girl born will have far to go.  She doesn’t know this, of course, as she lies in her cradle and makes her first speech with sweet coos and babbles.  And she will start at her beginning, like all baby girls.  She will make mistakes as she tries to find her own direction, which will pull at her throughout her whole life until she discovers what her course is and then takes charge of it. 

Because she is a girl, her potential will get crushed early on.  Someone will tell her that she doesn’t have the right or authority to reach the same potential as a boy.  And she will come to believe this so deeply and thoroughly that this limitation will become part of her personality. This belief will be the ink stain on her white blouse, the deep crease in a linen dress, and so woven into the fabric of her being that she’ll likely never distinguish between the nuances of her unlimited character and the poison that tells her that she is a lesser human being.

This is why it takes women decades to figure out what has held them back for the majority of their lives. They feel ashamed of being subordinated for so long, and so deeply shackled.

Based on this belief in her lack of power, she will make decisions.  For example, she may decide that when she can’t find love, she is unlovable.  When she feels unlovable, she will lose her self esteem in running the rest of her life since love, after all, determines self-worth.  She will shake when she meets a new person at a party, or she will decide not to go to the party at all.  No one would want to meet her anyway.  At her job, she will perform like someone who is not important because how could she be important if she is not worthy of love?  Accordingly, she will not be promoted and will be overlooked for more challenging positions.

When she graduates from high school, she may think that she has to choose either motherhood or college, not both.  If she already has a child and she is not married to the father, she’ll struggle to support this child without a higher education, guaranteeing her a life of struggle and poverty.  The fact that she had a child so early will make her feel like victim or a loser, some one who has no control over her life.  So, she won’t ever have control over herself.

The woman who chooses motherhood, but is unlucky enough to be infertile, will break into a thousand pieces of sorrow and unresolved anguish. Not only is she not powerful enough to get a higher education, provide the income for a family, or lead a corporation, she also lacks the one power that a woman has traditionally called her own–the power to grow a child inside her, a potential so profound that inequality, discrimination, or misogyny have all failed to steal this role away from women. When a woman doesn’t even have this ability, she will feel as if she has nothing at all.

When a man treats her as only a sex object or demeans her sexually in any way, she will believe that she essentially plays the role of a prostitute, and that this is her major role in society.  Even without labeling herself, unconsciously, she will treat herself as a trollop anyway.  This belief will determine how she dresses, styles her hair, wears make up, and walks down the street.  She will use her sexuality more than her intelligence to attract a man. 

She will come to understand that she does not deserve to be paid as high as a man because she will agree that hiring her is risky since she may take time off to have a baby, showing her lack of commitment to her job.  If she is a soccer player on the national professional soccer team, she will settle for lower prize money since women’s sports don’t bring in as much advertisement as men’s sports.  After all, prize money must be determined by profits. Right?

And when she is spending all her time being the limited person that she has been told she is, she won’t get any closer to the woman that she can really become.  She won’t figure out that she is a naturally gifted teacher who can transform or even save the lives of her students. She won’t dare to invent a drug that cures leukemia or challenge the male-dominated glass ceiling of corporations.  She won’t recognize that she is a gifted artist who can paint philosophical lessons into her images to help her community heal from prejudice or other sins of society. 

She’ll miss opportunities for better jobs, healthy relationships, and fulfilling activities.  She’ll be blind to her full potential, and, if she never finds her power, she will live like a subordinated human being her whole life–never truly finding happiness, a joy that she could achieve by living her glorious, powerful, fully-blooming life.